“And I, brethren, could not speak unto you as unto spiritual, but as unto carnal, even as unto babes in Christ. I have fed you with milk, and not with meat: for hitherto ye were not able to bear it, neither yet now are ye able. For ye are yet carnal: for whereas there is among you envying, and strife, and divisions, are ye not carnal, and walk as men? Brethren, be not children in understanding: howbeit in malice be ye children, but in understanding be men” (1 Corinthians 3:1–31;14:20)
The Corinthian church was an interesting church in the first century. Paul’s letter to them is deep and wide. The reason for such a hard hitting letter was due to the fact the Corinthians were spiritually immature. When Paul wrote the first letter to the Corinthians, the believers there had been Christians for no more than three years. There weren’t generations of Christians able to teach the new believers how to grow and mature. Likewise, all of the churches at that time were quite young and immature.
Even though there were some troubles within the Corinthian church, Paul still addressed them as saints and brothers. While the gifts of the Spirit could operate among them, they were rather worldly.
There was continued fornication, divisions, suing one another, and other unruly behavior that was unbecoming of Christ’s church.
The Christian life is about being born again, but it’s not about remaining a babe in Christ. Paul expected the believers in the Corinthian church to mature and grow up. Some want to become more spiritual, but spirituality is more than the gifts of the Spirit becoming operational in our lives, but it is also about behaving, thinking, in a mature nature.
In addition, maturity in Christ doesn’t necessarily correlate with age. Mature believers can be young or old. Just as there spiritually immature young and old.
I want to give you five things spiritually mature believers don’t do.
1. They Don’t Waste Time Feeling Sorry For Themselves
“Self-pity is easily the most destructive of the non-pharmaceutical narcotics; it is addictive, gives momentary pleasure and separates the victim from reality” – John Gardner
Mature believers don’t feel sorry for themselves. Self-pity is miserable. Posturing oneself as a victim is an easy way to allow the devil to defeat you. We all know people who wallow in self-pity. Maybe all of us have done this before. Everyone experiences pain, sorrow and setbacks. Although sadness is normal, dwelling on your sorrow and misfortune is self-destructive.
- You waste time feeing sorry for yourself when:
- You tend to think your problems are worse than anyone else’s.
- You feel as if no one else truly understands how hard your life is.
- You’re more likely to tell people what went wrong with your day rather than what went right.
- You like to complain about things not being fair.
- You like to think your circumstances are worse than everyone else’s.
- You like to think the world is out to get you.
People often use self-pity as a way to gain attention. Playing the “poor me” card might result in some pats on the back, and some encouraging words. Eventually the currency of self-pity will run out and people will get sick of always trying to lift you up.
You can find self-pity in the Bible. Elijah believed that he was the only one who served Jehovah. David believed that the unrighteous were in better shape than the righteous. Jonah sulked at thought that God was being too gracious to the Ninevites.
All of this is self-pity. Making ourselves out to be a victim of circumstance. First, you must stop looking inwardly, and start looking upwardly! You’re not a victim, you’re a victor. Your obstacle might be an opportunity for a breakthrough or a miracle. Somebody might have it worse than you, and somebody might have it better than you.
You can’t feel sorry for yourself, if you change what you’re speaking and believing. Exchange your self-pity into gratitude. Grateful people don’t have time to feel sorry for themselves.
The Apostle Paul could have employed self-pity as he sat in a damp prison cell. Instead, he wrote a letter to the Philippian church and encouraged them:
“Rejoice in the Lord alway: and again I say, Rejoice. Let your moderation be known unto all men. The Lord is at hand. Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things” (Philippians 4:4–8).
2. They Don’t Give Their Power Away
“When we hate our enemies, we are giving them power over us: power over our sleep, our appetites, our blood pressure, our health, and our happiness.” – Dale Carnegie (How to Win Friends and Influence People).
Spiritually mature believers don’t give away their power. In other words, they don’t allow hate or offense fester in their hearts. When you give your power away to others, you become dependent upon other people to regulate your emotions.
You give your power away when:
You feel deeply offended by any criticism, or receive negative feedback. Other people have the ability to make you feel angry and say things you regret later. The type of day you’re going to have depends on how other people behave. You hold a grudge when someone offends you or hurts you.
A perceived slight can become a debilitating wound if you don’t seek to remedy it. Instead of forgiving and forgetting, you remain offended and wounded. You allow your hurt to morph into monstrous feelings of hate and anger. The silent treatment is employed, and passive aggressive posts on social media are engaged. What you are doing is immature and not Christ-like.
“You can’t fight grown up battles with teenage tactics.” – Steven Furtick
You don’t hold onto a grudge, a grudge imprisons you. It won’t let you out until you forgive and forget. When you hold onto a grudge, those feelings of anger, offense, and resentment do nothing to lessen the other person’s life. It only hurts your life. It robs you of sleep, peace of mind, health, and other relationships. Because you end up taking it out on someone else, most likely your spouse or family. They become collateral damage to your inner war of offense.
Spiritually mature believers learn to ask for forgiveness. They will also graciously confront someone who has possibly hurt them and seek to work it out. Even if the other person doesn’t ask for forgiveness, the spiritually mature believer forgives. Spiritually mature believers know that offense, hate, and anger is a poison that destroys and kills.
Studies have shown that forgiveness reduces stress, regulates blood pressure, and heart rate decreases. Other studies have concluded that forgiveness allows you to sleep better. In other words, choosing to forgive allows you to reclaim your power.
“And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought against any: that your Father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses” (Mark 11:25).
“Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye” (Colossians 3:13).
If you’re going to be forgiven, then you need to learn to forgive. If you can ask Jesus to forgive you, then you can ask your brother or sister in Christ to forgive you. And if Jesus can forgive you of your sin, then you need to be able to forgive someone when they ask. Don’t expect of someone else, what you don’t expect out of yourself.
3. They Don’t Dwell on the Past
“We do not heal the past by dwelling there; we heal the past by living fully in the present.” – Marianne Williamson
You dwell on the past when you:
- You struggle with major regrets about your past.
- You feel like your best days are in the past.
- You feel ashamed of your past.
- You punish yourself or convince yourself that you don’t deserve to be happy or blessed.
Lingering guilt, shame, and anger, are symptoms that you can’t forget the past. Many allow regret to haunt them like ghost. Regret has a longer shelf life than fear. Dwelling on the past distracts you from living in the present.
Perhaps it’s the thought of better days in the past. You might as well face it, you’re no longer the prom queen, or the high school quarterback. You can’t enjoy the present if you’re stuck in the past.
I want to tell you, that the past isn’t coming through the front door anytime soon. The old songs, the old saints, the old ways, while we appreciate and honor the past, we mustn’t make an idol of the past. The Israelites worshiped Moses’ brass serpent that brought victory over poisonous snakes 2 Kings 18:4). Gideon’s ancestors worshiped his golden ephod (Jud. 8:27-28). Don’t make the past an idol that casts a shadow over the present. The writer of Ecclesiastes wrote, “Say not, ‘Why were the former days better than these’” (Ecc. 7:10).
Likewise, your past doesn’t have to define your present or determine your future. A healthy marriage doesn’t live in a mess of past mistakes. You can’t collect past mistakes into the hallway closet, only to open the door and let them spill out when you have a fight or disagreement. You either have a house cleaning and throw out the past, or allow it to pile up like dirty laundry.
If you’re going to mature in Christ, you need to repeat what the apostle Paul wrote: “Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new” (2 Corinthians 5:17).
4. They Don’t Resent Other Believer’s Blessings
“Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.” – Nelson Mandela
You resent other believer’s blessing when:
- You compare your blessings, status, or success with people around you or on social media.
- You feel envious of people who can afford nicer possessions, or vacations.
- You worry that other people perceive you to be inferior.
- It sometimes feels like no matter how hard you try, everyone else is more blessed, or successful.
- You feel envious, or jealousy toward people who achieve their goals.
Resentment is easy to lurk in the shadows of our hearts and minds. Resentment, envy, and jealousy will rob you of your joy. It will make you irrational and moody. Such feelings are due to focusing on somebody else instead of being grateful for your own blessings.
“Contentment is wanting what you already have.” – Don McCool
Discontentment is a cancer slowly draining you of your joy. Resenting someone else’s blessings causes you to be reactionary. You say things like:
- How did they get that?
- Must be nice to…
- What are we doing wrong, and what are they doing right?
Then you spend to keep up with the Joneses. If you try to live fake rich today, you’ll be real broke tomorrow.
“We buy things we don’t need with money we don’t have to impress people we don’t like.” – Dave Ramsey
This is what the apostle Paul said: “But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out. And having food and raiment let us be therewith content” (1 Timothy 6:6–8).
“For we dare not make ourselves of the number, or compare ourselves with some that commend themselves: but they measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise” (2 Corinthians 10:12).
“There’s only one cure for comparisons, and that’s contentment.” – Rachel Cruze
You can kill resentment with gratefulness. Being thankful and grateful for what you do have will squeeze the life out of resentment.
5. They Don’t Give up After Failing
“Failure is part of the process of success.” – Robert Kiyosaki
First, you’re not defined by your failures. The spiritually mature believer has made their share of mistakes, but they made up their mind that one bad day doesn’t make a bad life. Too many want to give up on Christianity or the Church when they make a mistake.
You feel like giving up when:
- You’ve made some mistakes in your life.
- You feel like you have more bad days than good.
- You perceive that Christianity is made up of perfect people who never fail.
- Past failures lead you to believe that you will continue to fail in the future.
The mature believer has learned from their mistakes. Don’t learn to give up every time you experience a setback. You must learn to get up and try again. Remember what the prophet Malachi said: “Rejoice not against me, O mine enemy: When I fall, I shall arise; When I sit in darkness, the Lord shall be a light unto me” (Micah 7:8).
Failing is part of the Christian life, just remember: “For a just man falleth seven times, and riseth up again: But the wicked shall fall into mischief” (Proverbs 24:16).
- Moses failed his first time attempting to free Israel from Egypt.
- Paul didn’t give up when people refused to listen to his preaching.
- Peter denied Jesus, and still got up and preached the first Christian sermon.
The writer of Ecclesiastes wrote:
“To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; A time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; A time to kill, and a time to heal; A time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a time to laugh; A time to mourn, and a time to dance; A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; A time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; A time to get, and a time to lose; A time to keep, and a time to cast away; A time to rend, and a time to sew; A time to keep silence, and a time to speak; A time to love, and a time to hate; A time of war, and a time of peace” (Ecclesiastes 3:1–8).
You know what there’s never a time for? A time to quit. Spiritually mature believers know that its no time to quit. You may have had a bad day, you’ve got another day coming tomorrow. You may have sinned, but we have an advocate in Jesus Christ ready to forgive.
Children tend to want to give up easily. They can’t tie their shoes the first time, so they give up. They can’t put the basketball through the hoop the first time, so they give up. They can’t button their shirt the first time, so they give up. What they need is someone with some experience to show them not to give up.
Conclusion
I don’t remember when I stopped playing with toys. I don’t remember exactly when my feet stopped growing. I don’t remember when I stopped getting taller. I just know I plateaued at some point. Christianity doesn’t have a stopping point in growth. There isn’t a limit to how much you can grow in Christ.
The apostle Paul wrote, “When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things” (1 Corinthians 13:11)
When is your “when”? When are you going to put away childish things? When are you going to mature? When is your “when”?
At some point you have to grow up and move on. At some point you’re going to have to forgive. At some point you’re going to have to be content. At some point you’re going to have to forget the past and live in the present. At some point you’re going to have to get tired of being sick and tired.