A friend loves at all times (Proverbs 17:17)
Friendship is an important topic in Scripture. Abraham was considered the friend of God (Isa. 41:8; Jam. 2:23). The Lord spoke with Moses face to face as friends would (Ex. 33:11). David and Jonathan were very close friends (1 Sam. 18:1-4). Jesus considered the disciples to be His friends (Jn. 15:15). Jesus’ enemies reviled Him because he was friends to publicans and sinners (Mt. 11:19).
Young men need to know the value of friendship. The wise man knows how to choose good friends, and in turn knows how to be a good friend. This is where Proverbs yields many important lessons about friendships.
In this study we will look at choosing friends, being a good friend and how to be a bad friend.
Choosing Friends
“Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm” (Pro. 13:20).
Young men must be wise in their selection of their friends. Choosing the correct friends may be some of the most important decisions that young men make. The old saying goes “show me your friends and I will show you your future.” Surrounding yourself with the wrong type of people may have detrimental consequences.
The proverb says “whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.” The company you keep influences your life and your destiny. Someone once said, “You can’t soar with eagles if you walk with turkeys.” Males of all ages have the inherit ability to want to hang out with turkeys. If you are going to be wise, then you need to hang out with wise people. If you want to know how manage money, then surround yourself with people who have some. If your goal is to excel in school, then you can’t hang out with loafers and losers. If you desire to be spiritual, then you will not want to hang out with carnally-minded friends.
You will suffer harm when you fellowship with fools. The New Living Translation records it like this: “associate with fools and get in trouble.” Friends who are always getting themselves into trouble will more than likely get you into trouble too. It’s not a good idea to run with troublemakers and instigators. Your reputation will be vulnerable to scrutiny simply by joining up with fools. It is difficult to live wisely if you fraternize with foolish friends.
Now, the selection of friends has nothing to do with social standing, economic status, or ethnicity. The choosing of friends has to do with morality and influence. Wise young men will not choose friends based upon someone’s wealth or lack of wealth, or the color of their skin. Selection of friends is not based upon if that person can make you more popular. And it is not contingent on what that person can give you, or what they can do for you.
How to be a Good Friend
“A friend loves at all times” (Pro. 17:17).
Choosing your friends is important, but you must also know the qualities of being a good friend. “A man who has friends must himself be friendly” (Pro. 18:24 NKJV). Being friendly is a necessary attribute if you are going have friends. I have known too many people whose personality and attitude hinders their ability to have any friends. Instead of being friendly, they are like fingernails on a chalkboard, and nobody wants to be around such a person.
In order for you to have friends, then you need to know the characteristics of being a good friend.
Faithfulness: “Many a man proclaims his own steadfast love, but a faithful friend who can find” (Pro. 20:6)? Faithfulness means being loyal. A good friend is always there. They seem to always have your back. Many people want friends, but not many want to be faithful. When you stumble and fall a good friend will be there to pick you up (Ecc. 4:10).
Insightful: “Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another” (Pro. 27:17). A good friend makes his companions better. I’m thankful for my closest friends, who have been my best friends since childhood, they made me better. They were always willing to give wise advice and keep me in check. If you are going to be a good friend, then you will sharpen your friends, and they will sharpen you. Friendships should make all parties better. This does not give you license to nag your friends and attempt to mold them into your personal image. No, you are sharpening each other into Christ’s image. Don’t surround yourself with “yes men” either. Young men need others who will make them better, who will push them to succeed and excel.
Loving: “A friend loves at all times” (Pro. 17:17). True friends are those who have seen you at your worst and still love you. Genuine friends will stick closer than a brother (Pro. 18:24). Authentic friends won’t leave you in the hard times. They won’t be like Job’s miserable friends who were critical during their friend’s crisis. In order for you to be a good friend, then you must exemplify love. Love is one of, if not the greatest, attributes of friendship.
Jesus is the ultimate example of a good friend. Christ has seen us in our most vulnerable, broken, and tragic times and He still loves us. There has not been a friend who has been more faithful than Jesus.
How to be a Bad Friend
The antithesis of being a good friend is being a bad friend. Hopefully no one chooses to be a bad friend. However, there are some characteristics of being bad friend that young men should avoid. Just as scripture records good friends, it also records bad friends. Amnon had a friend who gave some awful advice (2 Sam. 13:3). David had a friend who betrayed him at the worst possible time (2 Sam. 15:12; Ps. 41:9; 55:12-14). Then the worst of friends was Judas who sold Jesus for thirty pieces of silver (Mk. 14:10).
If you don’t want to be a good friend, then here are a few attributes of how to be a bad friend.
Always Fight: “It is an honor for a man to keep aloof from strife, but every fool will be quarreling” (Pro. 20:3). This is how you can become a person that no one wants to be around: be disagreeable, quarrel, squabble, quibble, argue, fuss, or bicker. This is a fireproof method of being a bad friend. The young man who is always wanting to disagree for the sake of playing the devil’s advocate will wear out his welcome. Taking the opposite opinion just to get on people’s nerves and to get attention will cause you to be a fool in the eyes of your companions. Children love to jump into puddles, but wise young men avoid puddles and keep others away from them. The fool willing jumps into every conversation and argument he can find.
Lose Your Cool: “A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but he who is slow to anger quiets contention” (Pro. 15:18). We all know the one guy who is always ready to fight. Unfortunately this antagonist will also fight his friends at the drop of a hat. If you can’t keep your cool, then you won’t be able to keep your friends. The young man who cannot control his temper is like a city with broken down walls (Pro. 25:28). Hot-tempered friends may serve as entertainment from time to time, but when their anger turns towards you, or gets you into nefarious situations it will no longer be entertaining. Make no friendship with a man given to anger, and do not be one who is given to anger (Pro. 22:24-25).
Be a Gossip: “A dishonest man spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends” (Pro. 16:28). Within the confines of friendship secrets are shared. However, if you want to be a bad friend then you will go and tell all that you know to others. Vulnerability is part of the friendship relationship. We bear each others burdens. The wise young man will be the Fort Knox of his friend’s secrets and weaknesses. “Whoever would foster love covers over an offense, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends” (Proverbs 17:9 NIV). When a friend offends you it is not wise to go and tell everyone. Keep offenses between you and your friend. Things are made worse when you begin to gossip and publicize your offenses.
It would be profitable for you to read Proverbs and write down all the wonderful advice it yields concerning friendship. Being a good friend isn’t a sign of weakness or frailty. On the contrary, it is biblical and spiritual for a young man to have friendships, and to pursue being a good friend.
This post is part on an ongoing series entitled: Wisdom for Young Men